How Intentional Parents become Positive Role Models for their Kids

Have you ever stopped to think about the characteristics that you want to develop in your child?  The type of adult that you want them to grow into?  How you want them to think about themselves and treat others?

Many parents say that they want their children to be confident, to be kind…  but I’m not sure they put much thought into it beyond that.

This came up recently in a coaching session with a working Mom who wants to be the best mom, the best wife, and her best self at work.  The only problem is that she is losing herself in the process.  We’re finding it takes more than just talking about making more time for herself, because she always seems to fall last on her priority list.

Coming at it from a different direction, I asked her what she wanted for her daughter.  How does she want her daughter to be as a mom and wife?  Does she want her daughter to put everyone else first and herself last? I pointed out that this selfless behavior is exactly what she is modeling for her daughter.  That question changed everything for her, because all of a sudden, self-prioritization became necessary for her and no longer simply an option.

I find that we typically won’t make changes for ourselves, but our motivation and commitment can change when we have a reason bigger than ourselves.  And our deep love for our children can be the fuel to motivate us to change.

The key is to stop and think about what we want for our kids in the long term, and take a hard and honest look at our own behavior and the examples that we are setting for them.

Do you want your kids to be confident and speak up for themselves, but you are at times a people pleaser that is afraid to say no so you regularly agree to do things that you don’t want to do?  Do you often do things because you are worried about what other people will think?

Do you want your kids to be kind, but you engage in road rage or fail to give others the benefit of the doubt?  While we’re looking at kindness, how do you speak to your own children?  Do you find that you order them around and talk to them in a way that you would never talk to a co-worker or someone outside of your family?  I myself have to admit that it’s common to hear my kids tell me to say “please” when I’m making a request to them.

Do you want your kids to be courageous enough to pursue their dreams in life, although they may see you work at the same job that you don’t really like year after year?

Another one that came up in a coaching session recently was yelling.  The mom was yelling more than she would like, and she made the comment that her mom and grandmother were both yellers. Isn’t that telling?

What we do as parents MATTER, for your children and future generations.  We need to walk our talk because “do as I say, not as I do” does not work.  

This week I encourage you to come up with a list of what qualities and characteristics you want to develop in your children, and then get really honest with yourself and ask whether you are modeling that behavior.  If you are not, what behaviors are you unintentionally modeling for your children? Can you now use this as motivation to change? This is how intentional parenting to build a new generation starts. Will you join me?

I help parents stop reacting and second guessing, and start intentionally connecting with their children to improve their relationships, raise resilient and confident kids, and have peace in their home and life.   My ultimate mission is to build a new emotionally healthy and happy generation, starting with our kids. I believe this is how parents change the world, one beautiful child at a time. 

If you want to help your kids become their best, you need to become your best as a parent.  You can up your parenting game and increase the tools you have in your parenting toolbox with my Three Steps to Stop the Worry free video training series. Sign up and learn how to help your kids gain life skills to deal with anxiety and worry.