Dealing with behavior challenges? Look for the patterns.

Do you have behavior challenges with your kids? Many parents tend to think that their child’s behavior is random, and they never know what will set them off. However, when we take a step back and view it through a different lens, we almost always find some consistency in their behavior.

That’s why one of the first things I do when working with parents is to start by taking a big-picture overview of their family dynamics — and we look for the patterns.

Why do I look for the patterns?  The patterns hold so much information for both the kids and the parents.  Consider that all behavior is a form of communication.  This is how your kids communicate their skill level in different areas and how they communicate when their needs are not being met.

When kids consistently struggle with challenging behaviors, it indicates they lack the skills to deal effectively with the situation at hand. So, if you’re repeatedly having the same behavior challenges with your kids, I encourage you to reflect on what skill set(s) they have yet to develop.

Do they need to develop better impulse control?
Do they need to learn frustration tolerance skills?
Do they need to learn to transition from one activity to another more easily?
Do they need to learn how to be more flexible when things don’t go their way or when there is an unexpected change in plans?
Do they need to learn how to communicate their preferences?
Do they need to learn how to communicate their anger, frustration, or other big feelings appropriately?
Do they need help learning how to regulate their nervous system and soothe themselves?
Do they need to learn how to consider how their actions affect other people?
Do they need to learn how to manage their time better?

Helping kids develop these skills is the parenting long game, but please know that you can do things in the meantime to meet their needs, address their behavior challenges, and support them in developing these skills. However, you won’t know where to start until you identify the patterns, so I recommend you start there.

If you have a child who is missing a number of these skills and struggles with big feelings and behaviors, and you don’t know where to start as a parent, please check out my new free BIG Feelings course. I explain where big feelings and behaviors come from and the top two mistakes parents make when dealing with them. Click here for instant access and learn the first thing I teach my parent clients.