Parenting Consistently & How Family Rules Help

Do you struggle with parenting consistently?  Parenting consistently can be hard, especially if each parent has a different parenting style or if one parent struggle with stress and challenges.  One of the best ways to ensure consistency between parents or with a single parent is by establishing clear family rules. These non-negotiable limits and directives help set expectations for children, creating a structured environment where they can thrive. When parents are aligned and consistent in following through on these rules, it eliminates confusion, reduces stress, and strengthens the parent-child relationship.

Why Family Rules Matter  
Family rules serve as the foundation for a well-functioning household. They provide structure, set boundaries, and help children understand what is expected of them. While children should have choices, those choices must exist within the parameters set by their parents. When clear rules are in place, parents regain control of their household, making parenting more manageable and reducing the likelihood of daily power struggles.

Moreover, consistency of rules with both parents is key. When parents have different expectations, it can feel to children like they have two bosses with competing agendas. This inconsistency creates confusion and often leads to children testing boundaries to see what they can get away with. By agreeing on and implementing family rules, both parents present a united front, making it easier for children to understand and follow the expectations set for them.

The Benefits of Pre-Established Rules
Establishing family rules ahead of time removes the need for on-the-spot decision-making, which can lead to inconsistent parenting. Having predefined rules means parents aren’t caught off guard and can respond consistently to situations. This consistency reduces pushback and minimizes the constant negotiations children often attempt.

However, it’s important to note that children may initially resist new rules. They may test limits and push boundaries, especially if they’re used to more flexible or negotiable expectations. But with patience and perseverance, family rules become second nature, and the pushback lessens over time.

Identifying Areas That Need Family Rules
Every family has unique challenges, and family rules should be tailored to address these specific struggles. Identifying patterns in daily conflicts is a great starting point for determining which rules will be most beneficial.  

If mornings or bedtimes are a battle, consider what family rules could help.  If screen time causes consistent conflicts, I recommend family rules around time limits and designated screen-free periods.

A Real-Life Example: Setting Rules Around Meal Time & Snacks
At a recent parenting workshop, a father shared a common dilemma—his six-year-old daughter would barely eat dinner but then would request a snack before bed. They would give her a snack, only to find crumbs scattered in their bed later.

I suggested using family rules to help the father regain control of the situation and recommended implementing these meal-related rules:

• Dinner must be eaten at the table within a set time frame (20–30 minutes).
• If the child chooses not to eat dinner, a simple bedtime snack is offered at the table, not in bed.
• The bedtime snack should be the same each night and not overly exciting to encourage better eating habits at dinner.

As with any new rule, the father should expect initial pushback. His daughter is accustomed to eating snacks in bed, and she likely won’t be happy with the change. However, acknowledging her feelings while firmly holding the boundary was essential. He could say something like:

“I know we used to have snacks in bed, but we’re changing the rules because I don’t like the crumbs in my bed. From now on, snacks will be eaten at the table. It’s okay if you don’t like this rule—I don’t expect you to—but it’s my job as the parent to make the best decisions for you and our family.”

Family rules are a powerful tool for bringing consistency and harmony into your home. When parents work together to establish and consistently implement these rules, it reduces confusion, minimizes power struggles, and fosters a positive environment for children to grow and thrive. By identifying areas of frequent conflict, setting clear expectations, and standing firm in the face of pushback, parents can reclaim their role as leaders in the household—providing their children with the guidance and security they need.

If you have consistent conflicts in your home and want to upgrade your parenting skills, join us on Tuesday, May 20th for a free virtual workshop on How to Stay Calm & Stop Yelling where I’ll be teaching my foundational Parent From Neutral process.   Click here to sign up today!