How do you get your kids to behave? Workshop coming to Sacred Hearts!

Do you ever use threats to get your kids to behave? Many parents don’t think they do, but if you’ve ever said, “If you don’t sit down, we’re leaving,” or “If you don’t stop fighting, you’ll lose the iPad,” then you’ve used threats more than you realize.

It might seem like threats happen because kids are out of control, but often, parents use them when they feel out of control. When children aren’t listening and parents aren’t sure what to do, they may panic and say whatever they can to try to regain control.

The problem is that when we feel out of control, frustrated, or overwhelmed, we stop thinking logically. Instead of making smart choices, we react in the heat of the moment. This can lead to making threats we don’t really want to follow through on—like leaving a restaurant before finishing a meal just because we told our child we would.

Once parents start making threats, kids quickly catch on. If they realize there’s no real consequence, they’ll test limits more and stop listening altogether. 

That’s why it’s important to ask yourself some key questions about the way you use threats.  I encourage you to consider:

• When do you find yourself saying, “If you don’t…”?
• What are the most common threats you use?
• Does your child actually change their behavior?
• If not, do you follow through on the consequence?

Kids need parents who are firm, consistent, and confident. When you make empty threats, it shows your child that you’re not sure of your own rules. 

Instead of using threats, try setting clear expectations and mapping out choices and consequences ahead of time.  This way you won’t get stuck not knowing what to do when things go off the rails.  The key will be actually following through.  It may seem counterintuitive, but it helps build trust and teaches kids to respect the rules in a healthier way.

If you’re not sure where to start, stay tuned for next week’s article where I introduce Family Rules, and join us on April 10th for a parent workshop on How to Parent Through BIG Feelings to learn the first step of what to do when BIG Feelings lead to behavior challenges.  Click here to register.