Preparing kids for holiday gatherings

Do you get nervous about how your kids will act at the family holiday gathering?  For neurodiverse kids and kids who struggle with impulse control, family gatherings and all of the extra stimulation can be tough, and parents can feel like they’re on display.  One mom told me she was sick of being the “show.”

In last week's article, I shared how setting expectations accordingly will help you handle holiday get-togethers with overstimulated kids and judgy relatives.  But how can you help prepare your kids for family holiday gatherings to help things go more smoothly?

First - know your child.
If you know that your child’s sleep window is from 7 to 7:30 and they become wild and unruly if they’re up any later, plan to show up as soon as the party starts and leave early.  If you don’t, your child will be more likely to wake up throughout the night and extra early the next day, leaving you all overtired and grumpy!

If your child is more content and plays better by themselves away from the chaos, don’t force them to be with others and in the thick of things, even if your relatives disapprove.

Watch for signs that your child is getting overstimulated.
If you know that your little guy hits a tipping point about an hour into the party and then starts acting out or hitting, plan a break before you get to that point.  Take your child into a room away from all of the activity, give them a break and a healthy snack, and see if you can get them to take a couple of deep belly breaths to help calm their nervous system proactively.

Plan to check in regularly with your child to gauge how they’re doing. To help keep them regulated, proactively give them a big bear hug and take a couple of deep breaths with them.  If you think this will embarrass your child, plan this out in advance.  Let them know that these mini 1-minute breaks will let you all stay at the party longer, and plan a code word or a sign with them so you don’t have to say anything, and they’ll just meet you in the bathroom.

Helping calm a wild child down.
If your child has already hit their tipping point and is acting unruly and you can’t leave, take them into the bathroom or a room by themselves.  You don’t want your child to feel self-conscious, and you don’t want to feel like anyone is judging how you handle the situation.  Know that they’re most likely not choosing to misbehave. They just can’t control themselves when they’re overstimulated, and attempting to discipline them will likely only worsen the situation.

In most situations, trying to tell a wild child to calm down only backfires.  Instead, encourage them to get the feelings OUT instead.  You can do that by telling them to stomp their feet or shake their arms and legs to show you how they’re feeling.

There is a physiological reason behind this tool.  Animals in the wild shake to move from their sympathetic nervous system and stress response back to their parasympathetic nervous system and rest and digest mode.  By having your kids shake it out, you help to calm down their nervous system.

Have them take some “hot cocoa” breaths.
Once they’ve gotten all the excitement out, have them take some “hot cocoa” breaths with you, where they take a deep breath to smell the cocoa and then a longer breath out where they’re blowing on the cocoa to cool it down.  This style of breathing naturally helps to calm down their nervous system.

With a little advance planning and some extra tools in your parenting toolbox, you can successfully navigate holiday parties with your kids. But if you’re really struggling and these articles don’t go deep enough, please reach out.  Click here for a free call with me to find out how I can help.