How Hugs Help Stressed Kids

When was the last time you got or gave a big bear hug, and you were really present for it?  Hugs make us feel good.  When someone hugs us, it’s comforting, and we give hugs to help comfort others.  We usually don’t give much thought to it, but there is so much research on the impact of hugs on our physical, mental, and emotional well-being.  Hugs are very powerful from a parenting perspective!

Because January 21st is National Hugging Day, I wanted to share the incredible power of hugs!  Here is a list of how hugs help your kids:

Hugs make us FEEL good!
When you hug your child, it causes their body to release oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine.  Oxytocin is often called the “love hormone” that makes us feel warm all over, and serotonin and dopamine are “feel-good hormones.”  These hormones help to calm your child’s nervous system and fuel several positive emotions, including happiness, more focus, satisfaction, calmness, and a decrease in depression. Hugs can tell our kids that they are loved and accepted without our having to say a word.

Hugs lower stress.
Studies have shown that hugs combat cortisol, the hormone associated with stress.  When your child is upset, they have cortisol running throughout their body, and their nervous system is on high alert.  Hugs help lower cortisol and counteract that physical response in the body.  

Hugs build immunity.
Stress and depression both contribute to weakening immune systems. Hugs decrease stress and depression while increasing serotonin levels – which have been linked to stronger immunity. Hugs can help you raise healthier kids!

Hugs can turn around a bad mood and foster positive feelings.
Studies have shown that people who get hugs are less likely to experience a bad mood after a disagreement and more likely to stay positive if they have received one or more hugs that day.  A hug can help lower your child’s distress and help them rebound faster following a time when they’re upset.  

Hugging helps develop empathy skills.
Not all children are born to empathize naturally.  Most need to learn how to consider other people’s feelings and give comfort to others.  Hugging them helps them learn what it’s like to be comforted, so they know how to comfort someone else.

Hugs are like boomerangs!
The best part about hugs is that you get the hug and benefit right back! When you hug someone, and they hug you back, you also decrease your cortisol, increase your oxytocin levels, and help calm your own nervous system.

How many hugs a day should you give?  According to pioneering family therapist Virginia Satir, “We need four hugs a day for survival, eight hugs a day for maintenance, and 12 hugs a day for growth.”  For an infant that you’re holding often, that’s totally doable.  As children get older and things get busier, we have to be more intentional about giving hugs.

I encourage you to see where you can squeeze a couple more in a day — first thing in the morning, before school dropoff, after school pick up, when they get off the bus, as congratulations for an achievement, or before bed?   When my kids were in their teens, I would sometimes pop into their room to hug them and leave without saying a word.  Where are there opportunities to add more hugs to your child’s day?

If you have found this article helpful, I invite you to check out my new free BIG Feelings course. I explain where big feelings and behaviors come from and the top two mistakes parents make when dealing with them. Click here for instant access and learn the first thing I teach my parent clients.