A Mother’s Day Reminder & Gift Idea

Mother’s Day is a time to celebrate the women who give so much of themselves every day — nurturing, guiding, showing up with love even in the messiest moments. But in the midst of caring for everyone else, how often do we forget to care for ourselves?  

This Mother’s Day, I want to offer a different kind of gift idea — one that costs nothing but means everything: the gift of kindness to yourself.

When You’re Hard on Yourself
Let’s be honest: how do you treat yourself when you don’t handle something as well as you hoped? Maybe you lost your patience, forgot something important, or just felt like you weren’t measuring up. If you’re like most people (myself included), the instinct is to get critical. The internal script might sound like: “What’s wrong with me?” or “I should be doing better.”

The intention behind that self-judgment might be to motivate yourself to do better next time. But here’s the truth: that’s not how the brain works. In fact, the opposite is true.

Why Shame Doesn’t Work
Judgment and shame don’t fuel growth — they shut it down. They trigger the brain’s survival mode, pulling energy away from learning and change. We freeze, shut down, or spiral. That harsh inner critic makes it harder to do better next time.

But there is an alternative. One that’s backed by research and rooted in wisdom: kindness.

When we approach ourselves with compassion, we stay open. Kindness helps us see clearly, learn from what happened, and move forward in a more connected, thoughtful way.

A Real-Life Example
Imagine this: you just snapped at your child after a long day. Your voice was sharp, and as soon as the words left your mouth, you felt that wave of guilt hit. You think, “I’m the worst mom.”

Now pause. Imagine your best friend called you and told you she had done the exact same thing. She’s crying, telling you she feels like a terrible parent. What would you say?

You’d probably respond with warmth and reassurance. Something like, “You’re not a bad mom — you’re just having a hard day. It happens to all of us.”

Now here’s the radical part: take that same kindness you’d offer to your friend and turn it toward yourself.

What Self-Kindness Sounds Like
Instead of spiraling into shame, try talking to yourself like this: “Oh sweetheart, I know you didn’t want to react that way. You must be really stressed right now.”

From that grounded, compassionate place, you can take real steps forward — like reconnecting with your child.

You might say: “I’m so sorry. I’m a good mom having a tough day. My stress made me yell, not you. I’m going to take a few minutes to calm down so we can have a better night. I love you.”

Not only are you modeling self-kindness, but you’re also modeling accountability and emotional regulation for your child. This is how they learn to be kind — by watching you.

Why This Matters
The alternative to kindness is the shame spiral. And when we’re stuck there, it’s nearly impossible to be present, loving, or calm. Shame tightens us. Kindness softens us — and in that softness, change becomes possible.

When we practice self-compassion, we parent from a place of connection rather than reactivity. And that changes everything — for us and for our families.

A Loving Recommendation
If you want to go deeper into this work, I highly recommend the book Good Morning, I Love You by Dr. Shauna Shapiro. She beautifully weaves together neuroscience and personal stories, showing why we’re wired for self-judgment — and how we can shift toward kindness instead. It’s a guide to finding more peace and joy, not just on Mother’s Day, but every day.

This Mother’s Day… Celebrate yourself not just with flowers or breakfast in bed (though those are lovely too), but with something even more powerful: self-kindness.

You’re not perfect — no one is. But you’re doing your best, you care deeply, and you’re showing up. And that is more than enough.

So take a breath. Put your hand on your heart. And remind yourself: “I’m a good mom, having a hard moment. I deserve kindness too.”

You really do. 💗

I’m happy to share that I have a gift for you!  I’m running a free and virtual workshop on How To Stay Calm & Stop Yelling on May 20th.  Click here to register.