Does your child struggle with BIG feelings?

Does your child struggle with BIG feelings, and are their emotions all-consuming?   Are your child's emotions unpredictable — keeping you on edge because you're unsure how to parent through it or what to do? You are not alone.  Parenting kids through big feelings can be hard and scary.  Many parents find it either maddening or anxiety-provoking — and some parents find it a mixture of both and more.

I have parents telling me they’re at their wit's end. They try different things, but it’s hit or miss, and most days, they feel like they make things worse. Most tell me they don’t know what to do or wonder if they’re doing the right thing. Some even tell me they just don’t feel like they were cut out for parenting.

I get it.  As parents, we want our kids to be kind and happy — and when they’re not, we can think that something has gone wrong or that we’ve done something wrong.  So we try to solve the “problem” causing the BIG feelings. If they’re not being kind, we try to change the behavior with discipline.  If they’re upset, we try to fix whatever it is that’s making them upset, or we try to explain and justify why we can’t.

But when we try to solve the problem driving the big feelings, we are solving the wrong problem.  

The problem isn’t that your child has a meltdown because you put the banana in the yogurt instead of on the side or asked them to turn off the iPad and come to dinner. The problem isn’t that your child is feeling worried or left out because of some drama with friends or anxious about upcoming exams at school.

These “problems” are just smoke in a burning building. When we try to correct behavior or reason through feelings, it’s like opening the windows to get the smoke out of a burning building—but we haven’t put out the fire. 

Because the real problem is that your child hasn’t yet learned how to handle feelings of disappointment or frustration when things aren’t as they expected or wanted.  The real problem is that your child hasn’t learned that it’s normal to feel worried, nervous, and anxious and what to do when that happens.  The ability to navigate these big feelings is a SKILL that kids have to learn.  

It is guaranteed that your child will face situations and challenges throughout their lives that will bring about big feelings.  You cannot protect your child from disappointment, frustration, worry, fear, and anxiety — but you can teach them what to do when they experience these big feelings.  

I would argue that teaching your kids how to handle big feelings is one of the best skills you can teach them—one that will have a huge impact on their emotional health and happiness for life. This is what drives my work with parents and why I am so passionate about helping them understand and learn these concepts.  

Join us on Tuesday, November 12th at 8:30am or 6pm in the Belmonte STEAM Academy Library in Saugus for the How To Parent Through BIG Feelings Workshop.  You will learn what’s causing the fire behind the big feelings, what parenting mistakes to avoid, and what you can do to help.  Click here for details and to register.