Why you should expect & plan for behavior challenges

Do you have an effective strategy for managing behavior challenges with your kids? Many, if not most, parents don’t. So when these challenges arise, parents become paralyzed because they don’t know what to do or they feel out of control and frustrated—and neither leads to effective parenting.

One of the most common things I hear when working with parents is, “I don’t know.”  They tell me they don’t know what to do or say when dealing with behavior challenges.  

The first thing I do when they tell me, “I don’t know,” is teach them what happens in our brains when we think or say, “I don’t know.”

Our brains are extremely literal.  They have no sense of humor, don’t understand sarcasm, and take everything at face value.  So when we think, “I don’t know,” our brains SHUT DOWN.  Our brains don’t even attempt to come up with a solution because we’re telling ourselves that we don’t know the answer.  That’s not helpful when dealing with a meltdown or when one of your kids challenges you and refuses to get ready for school.

So what do you do to avoid getting stuck in the land of “I don’t know,” leaving you feeling out of control and frustrated?  You plan ahead for the behavior challenges.

When I’m working with clients, we start by looking for the patterns so we know exactly what to plan for.  In last week’s article, I talked about how we can think our child’s behavior is random, but when we take a step back, we can see that there are always patterns.

Once we’ve identified the patterns and when they occur most frequently, we devise a strategy for exactly what the parent will do and say. We plan ahead so the parent has a variety of tools and strategies in their parenting toolbox.  They are no longer stuck, not knowing what to do. Instead, they have a plan for the challenges and strategies to try to avoid them altogether.

This is how I support my parent clients and what I recommend all parents do.

If this seems overwhelming or you have a child who struggles with BIG feelings and behaviors, please check out my new free BIG Feelings course. I explain where big feelings and behaviors come from and the top two mistakes parents make when dealing with them. Click here for instant access and learn the first thing I teach my parent clients.