Dealing with Sibling Conflicts

Are you looking forward to the freedom of summertime, or are you nervous about your kids being together more?  For many families, summer means less scheduled days and more down time.  It also means more time for siblings to play together, and fight.  From name-calling, yelling, poking and hitting, to the annoying “he’s looking at me” — if you have multiple children, you will have sibling conflicts.

Kids fight when they’re bored, stuck in the house, in the car, on vacation, and just because.  The list of things kids fight over is endless, leaving frustrated and exhausted parents playing referee.  

So how do you deal with sibling conflict as you’re approaching summer and more time together?

1 - Set your expectations accordingly

When you expect that your kids will get along and play well together, and they don’t…  YOU will end up frustrated.  According to research, siblings can fight up to 8 times an hour.  When you know and expect that your kids will fight, you are less likely to get as frustrated and able to remain calmer and more neutral.

2 - Teach conflict resolution skills

I invite you to consider that sibling conflict can be an opportunity to help your kids build all sorts of new skills in communicating, resolving problems, cooperating with others, as well as the ability to self advocate.  

This perspective can help you remain calm and neutral, so you can ask questions to help your kids consider how their sibling might be feeling, and how they might be able to come up with a solution that works for everyone.

3 - Establish family rules

As the parent, you can set some family rules and boundaries that help kids learn to navigate through conflicts.  I encourage you to have a family discussion around rules to get your kids involved in the process so they are more vested in actually following the rules. 
Here are some family rules to consider:

• In this family, hands are for hugging (not hitting).
• In this family, we build each other up (we don’t call names).
• In this family, we are respectful even when we don’t agree.
• In this family, we talk through our problems and look for solutions.

4 - Plan family fun time

According to Dr. Daniel Siegel, the best predictor for good sibling relationships later in life is the amount of fun the siblings have as children, even if the amount of conflict is high.  So even if your kids fight often, consider that introducing more fun into their relationship will help balance it out.  With summer coming, where can you intentionally plan for more fun?  There are plenty of creative ways including family bike rides, surprise water balloon fights, picnics in the backyard, or painting each other's faces one afternoon to help your kids have more fun together this summer.

If you want to add more tools to your parenting toolbox for dealing with sibling conflicts, I can help!  This month in the Confident Parenting Club we are doing a deep dive into dealing with sibling conflicts.  We will cover specific tools for parents, as well as how to help kids build conflict resolution skills.  Click here to learn more about the Club and get access to more tools, scripts and strategies so you can start parenting more confidently today.